EVANSTON — “We all play a role in the development and healing of these kids,” said Josh Varner, a national speaker and author during a presentation of Be Their Hero: Trauma Informed Care. Varner spoke to an audience of educators, social workers and parents at Evanston Middle School on Aug. 21.

According to Varner, a mental health professional with a master’s degree in counselor education, studies show that approximately one in eight children will have experienced significant exposure to traumatic events during their formative years, though Varner estimates that number is likely closer to one in five.

These events, called Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), can include but are not limited to: emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse, domestic violence, substance abuse; emotional and/or physical neglect; other household challenges such as mental illness, parental separation/divorce, parent incarceration, poverty, etc. “Childhood trauma happens at all socioeconomic levels,” Varner added.

The imprinting of ACEs on developing brains can begin as early as during the third trimester of pregnancy.

“Trauma is anything that overwhelms the brain’s ability to cope,” Varner said.

Varner explained that trauma is a response to the event, not the event itself.  Anxiety, for example, is a survival mechanism; dysregulation has a purpose in that people isolate for safety.

The brain’s amygdala, a small grouping of neurons, remembers every traumatic event and “your brain is predicting trauma before it happens,” Varner said. “PTSD is too much time spending processing in the brain stem versus the prefrontal cortex.”

A dysregulated brain makes learning nearly impossible, Varner said.

“A lot of time we think we need to know what happened to help them (students), but we don’t,” Varner said. “Safety and connection are needed. The kids that are the hardest to love need it the most. You don’t have to fix what they’re going through, just make sure they’re not alone with it. They can’t learn until they feel safe and connected.”

He reflected that his own middle school experience was particularly difficult. A high school football coach eventually stepped in to guide him in a positive direction.

“He didn’t need to feel sorry for me; he just needed to connect with me,” Varner said, expressing gratitude.

Burnout from labeling — a process of diagnosing — led to a transformative experience for Varner, who “began working from a completely different framework,” he told attendees.

“This is not ‘good brain’ versus ‘bad brain,” Varner said, explaining that a mere 20-second positive interaction can be therapeutic and rewire neurons through a process called neuroplasticity.

“Whoever spends time with them changes their brain,” he said.

Varner recommends 10 positive interactions or compliments to counteract every negative one. A neutral interaction tends to be interpreted negatively. 

“Every time a kid is dysregulated, it’s an opportunity. Why are you dysregulated?  What am I missing? We heal by connecting the dots between our past and present.  Don’t minimize their pain, validate it, help them to get it out. Every smile says ‘you’re safe and I care about you.’”

Triggers can include: breaking routine, dealing with other dysregulated people, feeling out of control, rejection, confrontation, feeling left out, loud places and large groups.

“Most triggers don’t make sense to the sensible brain, which leads us to fight, flight or freeze. Physiological responses aren’t by choice,” Varner said.

Varner stresses that most interactions with difficult students should not be taken personally.

“It’s not personal.” he said, “The brain will always think safety first. Get curious. I didn’t create this problem — this has nothing to do with me — but I can help, or I can make it worse.”

Varner’s tips for dealing with dysregulated or triggered people are:

• Relax and utilize a coping strategy from a calm and centered place. Be mindful of your body posture. “Calm creates calm,” Varner said.

• “Reconnect before you correct,” Varner said, emphasizing the importance of (re-) establishing a connection before engaging and listening without interruption. “Validate the feeling, not the behavior.”

• Re-teach. “Teach them how you want to respond next time, [and/or] repair the harm (fix what you broke).”  Varner says you can also teach/help them to recognize their triggers by identifying how their body felt before the upset.

“We love seeing people thrive. Be intentional about doing this work together. Be their hero. When kids experience pain, but then they experience love and connection, they [tend to] become helpers,” Varner concluded.

For more information, or to contact Varner, visit his website: joshvarnerconsulting.com.  His 2023 book, “Be Their Hero: An Educator’s Guide to Trauma-Informed Care,” is available on Amazon.