One of my favorite movie quotes I use with my kids comes from “Billy Madison.” The iconic Chris Farley in his role as the bus driver gets everyone seated and then as he boards himself, he turns to the passengers and yells “Good! Great! Grand! Wonderful! NO YELLING ON THE BUS!

We’ve all been there at some point — stuck on a hot, noisy bus full of people we are forced to associate with. It’s rarely comfortable and, depending on the bus, you do your utmost best to sit by friends or others who won’t annoy you with their behavior.

Sometimes I think politics is a lot like sitting on that bus. We are surrounded by a lot of noise that can make us uncomfortable and territorial. It’s important then, that we remember the words of Chris Farley’s bus driver: “No yelling on the bus!”

What exactly does that mean?

All of us are on the good old bus United States of America moving toward a future destination. Good political dialogue should be about where the bus is heading. Instead, we often find ourselves arguing about spit wads and dubious smells.

Someone is “breathing my air.” We sit with our friends in political coalitions and glare at the people on the other side of the bus. We get distracted by all the noise and chaos and forget what the bus ride should be about.

Democracy, at its core, is just a process for making decisions. In our country, along with other very important principles found in our constitution (like free and fair elections, checks and balances, and rule of law) we added a bill of rights to protect fundamental rights, including free speech.

Free speech can (and should) be debated, but I want to highlight why it’s included. Nothing is more important to the idea of democracy, which underpins our federal republic, than healthy public discourse.

When there are competing ideas, it’s imperative we discuss them, prove their individual merits, and decide on a course forward. In a healthy, functional society you see a lot of persuasive arguments taking place on all sides and in all forums; whether it’s a debate, a letter to the editor, or a post on social media.

Conversely, when we take steps to infringe on that discourse by censoring, cancelling, or shutting down public discourse, it’s a sign of a non-functional, unhealthy society where we create greater risk to our country.

There are legal standards defining protected speech, but something that meets the legal definitions may not necessarily help build and maintain democracy. Unfortunately, too many people hide behind those legal definitions to bully opponents, twist words, and harass those they don’t agree with all under the guise of “If it’s legal, it must be OK.”

I think most of us agree that not all “legal” business practices are ethical and OK. What this means for political dialogue is that we have moved from persuasion to coercion, from discussion to accusation, and it has had very damaging ramifications. It has to stop, and it starts with us on a local level, in each of our communities, getting back to good communication and focusing on persuasion as our preferred method of civil discourse.

Good communication is a skill. If you search the internet on the topic, you will find a whole host of articles, books, podcasts, and webinars all sharing the same thing. There are a lot of tactics and skills we can learn and practice to increase our ability to have better communication and dialogue.

Here’s just one example from thought leader and author James Clear who recently sent this out in his weekly email: “Communication is about what is received, not what is intended. If there is a gap between what you are saying and what they are hearing, you to have to find a new way to say it.” (James Clear, August 2024).

Conversely, if you aren’t understanding what’s being said, ask for some clarity and test for understanding (ask if you heard them and understood what they are saying correctly).

Persuasion is an art. There’s even a book on it called “The Art of Persuasion.” And again, several very good articles can be found online on the topic. One article from the Harvard Business Review says this:

“Effective persuasion becomes a negotiating and learning process through which a persuader leads colleagues to a problem’s shared solution. Persuasion does indeed involve moving people to a position they don’t currently hold, but not by begging or cajoling. Instead, it involves careful preparation, the proper framing of arguments, the presentation of vivid supporting evidence, and the effort to find the correct emotional match with your audience.”

Imagine if our political dialogue matched that standard. And it can!

Think back to your last conversation with a coworker or family member who had different political views than yours. Were you civil? Did you end on friendly terms? Or did you throw tired old polarizing sound bites meant to prove a point? What was the purpose of the conversation? Was there even a purpose? Or were you just there to point fingers and feel better about yourself?

In our most intimate environments of home, work, and community, there is room for disagreement but there should never be room for arguing just for the sake of arguing. We may have a right to free speech, but that right also engenders a responsibility in our speech.

So whether you are an elected official, candidate, or a voter, here are some things to try out in your next political conversation with someone who doesn’t think like you do:

Be respectful.

Take the time to listen to what is being said instead of waiting for an opportunity to tell your side. People get angry when they don’t feel like they are being heard.

When it is your turn, say something worth listening to by being informed.

Try to be evidence based. Pushing emotions and slogans doesn’t persuade anyone. Well-thought-out ideas do.

Be constructive and try to point out solutions instead of just complaining. Be able to discuss the merits of your solutions, what it would take to make them work, and whether they are feasible or not.

The ideal end of an argument, especially about politics, shouldn’t be “I win, you lose!” It should be “I see where you are coming from.” When you can see where someone is coming from you can work toward consensus on next steps for moving forward.

That’s what politics really come down to. Agreement on how we move forward. Most people are reasonable and want to be part of solutions that work for them and their communities. At the end of the day, it’s everyone’s responsibility to lower the heat in our voices and treat each other as friends instead of enemies. Finding common ground can’t happen if there isn’t open and honest dialogue.

Yes, it can be messy. It takes patience. It takes compromise. The best decisions usually leave everyone a little disappointed and a little happy about the outcome at the same time.

I recently read a quote from Adam Grant @AdamMGrant. He said: “The highest compliment from someone who disagrees with you is not ‘you were right.’ It’s ‘you made me think.’”

It reminds me of another rule we should all be mindful of as we travel this road together:

No yelling on the bus!

Ben Bell lives in Evanston with his wife and kids. He is an officer with First Bank of Wyoming and a member of the Uinta County Economic Development Commission, Rotary, and Jump Start Evanston. He’s lived in Evanston for 11 years.