One of our deepest human needs is the need to communicate. Babies left unattended in orphanages suffer. The worst punishment in the gulag was the isolation cell. The silent treatment between people kills relationships.

We are social creatures, built for community. Community, in turn, depends on communication. In fact, both community and communicate are formed from the Latin prefix “com,” (meaning “together”) and the root “uni,” (meaning “one”). A community is created out of many people together becoming one, and it can be created only by communication.

Therefore, whatever fosters communication fosters community, and what hurts communication hurts community. 

Recently, I was going through some old things and stumbled across a speech I gave in this community more than nine years ago. It was the inaugural meeting of “Conversations on Christ.” More than two dozen people gathered at the Howard Johnson to talk about talking.

I said: “I believe that the best correction will come from within — from each one of us taking careful assessment of his or her own self. As each of us is drawn into the conversation and becomes eager to address contemporary problems we will find the honesty and courage to examine and criticize ourselves. That is where growth into Christ and unity under Christ’s word will be fostered. I believe that each of you loves Jesus and has the personal integrity to benefit from this opportunity without need of harangues or diatribes. In fact, these would be counterproductive to our high purpose.”

That project led me gradually from conversations with other churches, to seeking out constructive conversations with the entire community. Eventually, it led to this weekly column, “Only Human.”

What I spoke that day, I still believe. Then, I spoke in terms of Christ and Christ’s word. But the same is true of every person and every word. Unity is fostered by people who love each other, together searching for the truth. It does not come by harangues or diatribes, but by honest and courageous self-examination. 

No matter how deep the disagreements are, a conversation can only begin if you think of the other person as a full human being. That means at least two assumptions: First, you assume people to have integrity, that is, to be truthful in their speaking. Second, you assume that they love all people as much as you do.

When you don’t believe these things about somebody, communication breaks down. Spouses no longer talk but shout. Friendships are strained and broken. Communities are divided.

But the temptation to deny these two assumptions can be strong. Oftentimes, we will be unable to reconcile a person’s words in one sentence with his words in another. When that happens, it is easy to question his or her integrity, and communication breaks down.

There’s a better way. Instead of assuming a lack of integrity, you can ask for help in reconciling the two statements. In that way the conversation goes forward, understanding is increased, and good-will is re-affirmed. This way of listening is helpful for keeping peace in the home, church and community.

It is even helpful when reading books written by people long dead. Nobody would care what a book said if the author was known to contradict himself. But when reading books by trustworthy authors, we are often challenged by two statements that seem contradictory, but are not.

Take, for instance, the words of Leviticus 19:18, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” These words from God are recorded by Moses as a summary statement after Leviticus 18, which prohibits a wide range of sexual activities. Recently, many have found one of these prohibitions so offensive that they question the integrity of those who don’t, and call into question their honesty and love. 

I think there’s a better way. The way is to love your neighbor as yourself.

Let’s start by considering the word, “neighbor.” This word includes every single human being with whom you will ever come in contact. There are no exceptions. We are to love them because God loves them. You may ask: how can I know that God loves them? The answer is simple: they exist. Nobody can live unless God gives them life. So, the very fact that people are alive means that God wants them to be alive.

And that puts them in a very special place. This is true of everybody you know, from the president to the homeless man on the street. Because God has given them life, he expects you to love them. It is the God-like thing. Human beings are created to love as God loves, because we are created in God’s image.

What, then, is love? It starts in the heart. It is a sincere and unbreakable desire for a person’s well-being. It is to renounce every desire to use a person for your own personal gain, and think only of his or her interests and needs.

Love concerns itself with your neighbor’s physical well-being, his mental well-being, his emotional well-being, and his spiritual well-being. That, after all, is how God loves you. He is bent on your total well-being.

Every drop of rain, every snowflake, every ray of sunshine was created for you. Every meal you are given, every person in your life, every breath of air, every beat of your heart is a gift of God for your well-being. Every word of encouragement, every word or warning, every word of instruction, every word of forgiveness is a gift of God for your well-being.

“If God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11). That means that we are charged by God to take an interest in the physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being of every conceivable person. Then, we are to take care of him or her with our energy, our goods, our words and our prayers.

This is a high calling, and an impossible task. “When Jesus’ disciples heard it, they were exceedingly amazed, saying, ‘Who then, can be saved?’ But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible’” (Matthew 19:26). 

Yes, the love of our neighbor and the fostering of community seem impossible tasks. And without God, they are. But with God all things are possible. Even this.

Our community choir sang about this in the words of Abraham Lincoln. They are chiseled in stone at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C.: “With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds.”