Type fast and leap tall buildings in a single bound
I recently saw a thought-provoking question on a sign outside a hair salon. “We make people beautiful. What’s your superpower?” Several days later, I saw a survey that said the number one most desired superpower is invisibility. If you can’t have that, and you probably can’t, I think making people beautiful would be a pretty close second, depending on what you have to work with.
Superpowers must be trending on social media right now, not that I would know. One of my superpowers is my ability to avoid social media. But I’ve heard the term superpower thrown around so much lately that it got me thinking. While no one I know is more powerful than a locomotive, I do know some mere mortals with what I consider remarkable superpowers. My husband can not only read a map, he can fold one. He can also parallel park, fix a leaky faucet and clip our cat’s claws. That makes leaping tall buildings in a single bound seem like riding an elevator in a tall building.
My sister can put a puzzle together faster than a speeding bullet. Several of my brothers are gardeners. That means — and this is amazing to me — they can keep plants alive.
One of my sisters-in-law can take one look at leftovers and choose the exact-sized bowl to store them in on the first try. Unbelievable! I dirtied four before I picked the right one after lunch today.
I know people who can keep a full candy dish on their coffee table or a quart of ice cream in their freezer for weeks — or until I visit.
Sandwich shop employees can wrap sandwiches so quickly and so perfectly it seems a shame to unwrap them. I always do though.
There are so many other superpowers humans have and they didn’t have to grow up on Krypton or be bitten by a radioactive spider to get them. I think the ability to make a perfect pie crust is a superpower. So is being able to trim your own bangs or write legibly.
I think the ability to do Sudoku is a superpower. Or quadratic equations or cartwheels. So is being able to back up in a crowded parking lot without hitting anything. And I’m proud to say I’ve got that superpower. Or maybe that’s just my back-up camera.
I have some other notable superpowers too. I once squirted milk out my nose when someone made me laugh. I bet I could do it again if I wanted to, not that I do.
I can find my husband’s keys, glasses and cellphone for him when he misplaces them. Both of us find this incredible because I can never find my own.
I can wake up before the alarm clock goes off. Sometimes it’s four hours before the alarm clock goes off. Not everyone can do that. And not everyone wants to.
I can type really fast. You could say I’m the Flash of typing. Unfortunately when you type as fast a superhero runs, you tend to make a lot of errors. I’m the Abomination of errors. That’s why I have a proofreader whose superpower is to find every typo I’ve made. Then she alerts me so that I can repair them before you have a chance to see them and lose all respect for me. To quote Spider Man, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Dorothy Rosby is the author of Alexa’s a Spy and Other Things to Be Ticked off About, Humorous Essays on the Hassles of Our Time and other books. Contact her at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.