As I write today, “Me Too” is trending on Twitter and Facebook, being posted and re-posted by thousands of women who have experienced sexual harassment or sexual assault. While this particular trend was sparked by the recent allegations against film producer Harvey Weinstein, the reality is that for many, if not most, women, sexual harassment and/or assault are all-too-familiar occurrences. 

For many of us, being harassed has become commonplace, so much so that we often don’t even take the time to think about it or, indeed, even register that it is occurring. We shrug it off as just part of life as a woman. Catcalls on the street, roving eyes during conversation, eyebrow raises based on our wardrobe selection, suggestive comments — I would be willing to bet every single woman I know has experienced these at one time or another. 

I would also be willing to bet most of us don’t say much about it, if anything at all. 

They may make us uncomfortable, but we try to ignore it, or we smile politely, or we try to change the subject. Or we may even laugh, at our own expense. 

This latter reaction is what really concerns me. Being harassed for being a woman has become such an ingrained part of our culture that even women, ourselves, have come to not only shrug it off, but to expect it. 

It’s a slippery slope from harassment to assault. Again, I would be willing to bet most of us know women who have been sexually assaulted, probably several. 

Harassment and assault go hand in hand because our society has become so accustomed to harassment that we tolerate levels of assault and we continuously place the blame on women.

Why was she wearing that? Why was she drunk? Why did she go to that party she should have known not go to? Why did she trust that guy to give her a ride? Why did she kiss her date? 

On and on and on, women are subjected to interrogation and criticism about why her behavior resulted in being assaulted. Victim blaming is a national epidemic. 

We doubt the tales that come out years after the fact. Because, well, if this were true she would have reported it a long time ago. If this were true she wouldn’t have waited to say something. If this were true, she wouldn’t have kept working with the guy. 

Except for the likelihood that she’ll be the one subjected to questioning, she’ll be the one with her character attacked and her entire history examined, she’ll be the one to lose a job or be labeled as a troublemaker. She’ll become the one on trial. 

We are all rightly outraged when allegations like those against Weinstein, or Bill Cosby, or whomever else, come to light. Yet, where is the moral outrage when women every single day are scrutinized over their behavior when it should be the perpetrators facing scrutiny? Where is the moral outrage when rules pertaining to sexual assault on college campuses are rolled back because they’re just too burdensome? 

Burdensome is being a woman who has to spend the rest of her life dealing with being sexually assaulted. Burdensome is not requiring college campuses to crack down on sexual assault. 

This habit of blaming women for the bad behavior of others trickles down into our everyday lives in multiple ways.  

Take, for example, dress codes for young women at schools. It seems every year there are news stories about girls being sent home from school or kicked out of a homecoming dance or prom for wearing “inappropriate” clothing. Too short, too low cut, too tight. The dress had no straps or spaghetti straps or a halter top. The dress had cut-outs or the color of the dress too closely resembled flesh. The leggings or yoga pants were too form fitting. The jeans were too low-rise. Girls may as well wear potato sacks to school. Really big, long ones whose colors don’t too closely resemble flesh. 

Because apparently it’s a girl’s fault if a boy can’t concentrate because of her attire. Not his, of course. 

Then take a look at the Halloween costume offerings for girls. Even very young girls. There are the standard princesses for the very young, and there are a few other options. But girls as young as 10 are being marketed sexy costumes. 

You have the sexy cop, the sexy nurse, the sexy cheerleader, the sexy pirate, the sexy kitten or puppy — because sexy costumes should always be of immature animals I guess. There is the sexy librarian, the sexy astronaut, the sexy sports referee, the sexy butterfly, the sexy witch, the sexy vampire. Why, there’s even the sexy George Washington outfit — and that one really boggles my mind. 

So, on the one hand, girls are supposed to dress appropriately and it’s entirely a girl’s responsibility to make sure that her fellow male classmates aren’t distracted by her attire, but, on the other hand, girls are supposed to choose from any number of sexy costumes for Halloween because, no matter what it might be, a girl’s costume should have sex appeal. 

Do you see the contradiction there? 

Even our very language usage reeks of sexual harassment. When boys cry, we tell them to stop acting like girls or sissies or any number of terms. We insult boys by telling them they fight like girls or throw like girls or act like girls in any number of other ways. The notion that girls and women are somehow “lesser” is deeply ingrained in our society. And viewing an entire half of the population as lesser enables the other behaviors. 

When we continually justify and accept these things as just the way it is, we’re all complicit in letting it continue. When we shrug it off as “locker room talk” or “boys being boys,” we’re again making excuses for inexcusable behavior. When men or boys laugh at lewd comments, stop and think about those comments being directed at your mother, daughter, sister or wife, because I can almost guarantee you they have been. 

By the way, in case it isn’t already clear, me too.